Saturday, September 24, 2011

Unlife

I'm fed up with this. I do not want this. This was something I never wanted. Something I never agreed to. This is not how life should be. 

I'm tired, so tired. Tired of it all. Tired of this life, the life that I have now. 

This is not life, this is survival. This is not about living, this is about staying alive.

I see this clear image of things getting out of hand. That the beast no longer is contained. Havoc is spread across the building. A brutal unleash of it all. Pain and suffering surrounds the area. We are all traumatized by the incident. Everyone are terrified by what now had become a monster.


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Choices

I often think about my choices. The choices that I made, the choices I never did, what I chose, what I didn't choose. I wonder time and time again if I've made the right choices. I wonder many times if I should have chosen differently, but what would I have lost if I would have chosen something else?

In many ways I feel like I should have chosen a different way, but where would I have ended up then? I wonder if the choice I made was worth it. If everything I got out of it turned out to be more good than bad.

I know that I don't want this. I don't want to live like this. I need to leave this all behind me. I need to end this chapter. Sadly it's a matter of time before I can do so. I have decided to finish this chapter and not just abandon it. Still I'm not sure if that is the right decision. The question is just, where would I go? What would I loose?

Life has left. There seems to be little to none left behind. I suppose this is what has been felt by those before me. I'm fed up. The life has been sucked right out. What I'd really want to do is just go somewhere, away from all this here. Some distance would be good.

Emotional fluctuations

Simple situations can drastically change the mood of a group. One can very quickly change from happy to sad, calm to angry with only the mention of certain subjects.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Danger

I've been making that hard decision several times lately. I've put myself in a strange position in order to have hope for the future. To fix that which is broken. It seems like it is as it was said. Still I doubt the situation will be fully restored to what it once was, but I might be wrong.


I can't really tell you what I feel. That which is behind the wall showed itself, just a little, but still too much. That which was shown should have been kept behind the invisible veil. I don't know if anyone noticed the slip, I sure did.

These small slips have become more and more frequent. I worry that the cage won't hold. I don't know what would happen if the cage failed to contain it.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Loss

I've many times thought of killing you. But I've decided not to. Just because it isn't who I am. Or maybe who I was. The punishment is rather severe. You're practically dead to me anyway so maybe it doesn't make a difference. Only difference would be me leaving it all behind.

Either way, you are still gone