These things are all linked

New activity

Now this will be an experience. Trying out new things. Might this give me the means to let out my creativity? At this point in time it looks promising.

NIghtmares become reality

As I went though a certain scenario I realized that I was reliving a dream which I had this one night. That same feeling of knowing that things aren't right. The same chest, sitting on the floor with dark surroundings and an unpleasant feeling welling up inside. Something going wrong. Or maybe just a wider perspective and more insight of what is really going on all the time. Just something we've all seemed to miss. Not really realize. All these misses.

With realization that my dream had become reality, memories of how I woke up gasping for air with a terrible feeling arose from that night. That same familiar feeling spread throughout my mind. Remembering such a situation which never actually happened feels downright strange. There was such detail. The same unique feelings, the same floor, the same chest and a persons face which was not revealed.

Dreams that become reality are unnerving to say the least...

Disbelief

What I said earlier probably won't matter. Doesn't seem like there will be any change after all. I was probably just imagining things or I just saw what I would have wanted to see.

Still the situation seems to have changed somehow?

Notice...

It seems as this blog has either been read or someone has noticed my recent behavior. Is it just me or was that look one of regret? Was there really something behind it or is it just wishive thinking? I'd like to think that there has been some notice to my reluctance to engage in conversation or even stay within their vicinity. But though notice has been made will it further into any kind of significant change or will it remain the same still? This has yet to be tested. This was only one incident. This was one time. Will there be a second incident or will there be but one?

Though signs are being seen will those who saw them care to follow?

Withdrawal

Today I was shocked to know my own reaction. I saw those intentions and I flinched. I looked away, waiting for the question. This was no big thing. Nothing was at stake. There was no threat. Yet I pulled away, away into my own world. Avoiding conversation. These withdrawals are getting more and more serious. The question that remains is what there is to do about it now. How does one change such a course. Can one such as myself turn away from this current path. I find these things hard to see in front of me. I don't believe for one second I'll ever change this current path. I don't believe I'll find a big enough reason to do so. I'm trapped in my current situation and there's nothing to set me free.

Will this path be one of liberty or one of greater pain and solitude?

Closer to the truth

When in thought the mind tends to tell you things. When in conversation you easily realize what your true thoughts are upon a matter. Realizing that one is having a burnout but not feeling stressed. Then the question arrises, "how?". I now know I have similar symptoms to those who are burning out. Though I still feel like a very relaxed person. I don't feel stressed. What would I be stressed about? I have no real worries. I just don't feel as I have felt. Too much has disappeared. Too much good is gone from my earlier everyday life. Too many new annoyances have turned up in my life. In my everyday life. I've pulled back, taken distance. Because I just don't like my surroundings any more. I never thought that group of people could've had such a big difference in my life. I never expected to find people so annoying. How irritating it would be being stuck right in the middle. So many things just turning sour with no real upside to anything.