The Darkness

The mist is clearing and I can't find you. You have moved, and so has he. I look down, relieved to learn that he didn't jump after all. Still, I worry because I don't know his whereabouts. He seems to have gone off with you. 

The nightmare never ends. The horror only changes forms. We need to get out of here, for we are not safe. Very I often find those looks. I see how they despise us. How they don't want us here.

The hate is growing in this place. Not only towards us but also the others.

Within him there's pain and anger. There's a rage which is most unpleasant. A rage of the broken. A raging bloodlust. An unquenchable thirst.

We have found that it might be the only way, that hard path. There are some of us who want to go. Some of us who say they need it. Most of us are very unhappy with the thought of going that way, yet our logic tells us that we should go.

It felt so good, so good indeed. Such tranquility. To let that one out. Let that one show us who we are.

The Mist and the Moon

I know there's a full moon, but because of the mist I can barely see anything. I just know there's a full moon because of this tingling sensation. Did he jump or did you push him or is he still standing there. The mist is in the way, I can't really tell. Is he still standing there or not?

The rattling cage, the cold burning blades, the sane insane mind.

He's confused, so he is. Losing whatever sanity he has left. I can hear his thoughts. They're destructive. The monster is a danger to him and everyone else around him. We are all in danger. It would hurt both you, me, him and all of us others.

The image of the broken glass. The veil between worlds is shattered. All because of a little white piece of hell, disguised as medicine. He thinks it will cure him, but it is simply only a key. A key to that which must be locked down. A key to our demise. We would all surely die. Including you and me. I hope you understand what your driving him to. Is it not enough that it is ruined. Does the terror never end? What do you hope to accomplish. You plague him with things he cannot take anymore. He was already on his knees when you started kicking him.

The battle continues. I can still not see anything. I can barely just see shapes. Those shapes of evil, trying to penetrate his mind from afar. There's this invisible barrier. I walk and walk but I don't seem to come any closer.

Sometimes I wonder if he's even aware of the attack he is under.

The Angel and the Devil

I realized a long time ago that these delights wouldn't ease the pain. The pain is constant and mere delightful moments could do nothing to relieve me of it. How much I would like it to, it will not make any significant changes, though I do appreciate it for what it is.

I have so much yet there seems to be an essential piece missing. You want to kill yourself. You say life isn't worth living. You say we all die anyway, so why wait. We tell you that it's all nonsense. We tell you that you got things all wrong. We tell you that you need to change your attitude. You counter us by saying that we are the ones who are wrong, that things will never change, that we will always be situated here, that we will never be loved. Some of us listen and some of us don't. 

They go into isolation, 

withdrawing from loved ones. 

And they may lash out, 

becoming irritable or violent.

You and I are the angel and devil on each of his shoulders. Some of the time he listens to me, but now he's listening more to you than me. Once you managed to push him into isolation, you pulled him away from his loved ones you made him irritable, I barely managed to keep him from lashing out violently. Do you not realize that you're killing him? Do you not realize that he is close to the edge already and if you push any more he will jump? I am doing all I can to get him back up on his feet. I fear I'm not enough hold onto him and keep the cage intact.

How long will this person last?

Unlife

I'm fed up with this. I do not want this. This was something I never wanted. Something I never agreed to. This is not how life should be. 

I'm tired, so tired. Tired of it all. Tired of this life, the life that I have now. 

This is not life, this is survival. This is not about living, this is about staying alive.

I see this clear image of things getting out of hand. That the beast no longer is contained. Havoc is spread across the building. A brutal unleash of it all. Pain and suffering surrounds the area. We are all traumatized by the incident. Everyone are terrified by what now had become a monster.

Choices

I often think about my choices. The choices that I made, the choices I never did, what I chose, what I didn't choose. I wonder time and time again if I've made the right choices. I wonder many times if I should have chosen differently, but what would I have lost if I would have chosen something else?

In many ways I feel like I should have chosen a different way, but where would I have ended up then? I wonder if the choice I made was worth it. If everything I got out of it turned out to be more good than bad.

I know that I don't want this. I don't want to live like this. I need to leave this all behind me. I need to end this chapter. Sadly it's a matter of time before I can do so. I have decided to finish this chapter and not just abandon it. Still I'm not sure if that is the right decision. The question is just, where would I go? What would I loose?

Life has left. There seems to be little to none left behind. I suppose this is what has been felt by those before me. I'm fed up. The life has been sucked right out. What I'd really want to do is just go somewhere, away from all this here. Some distance would be good.

Emotional fluctuations

Simple situations can drastically change the mood of a group. One can very quickly change from happy to sad, calm to angry with only the mention of certain subjects.

Danger

I've been making that hard decision several times lately. I've put myself in a strange position in order to have hope for the future. To fix that which is broken. It seems like it is as it was said. Still I doubt the situation will be fully restored to what it once was, but I might be wrong.

I can't really tell you what I feel. That which is behind the wall showed itself, just a little, but still too much. That which was shown should have been kept behind the invisible veil. I don't know if anyone noticed the slip, I sure did.

These small slips have become more and more frequent. I worry that the cage won't hold. I don't know what would happen if the cage failed to contain it.