Death is stalking him

I've had lots of thoughts these past few days, specific thoughts. Not the usual ones. 


I see how death surrounds him. It's a firm grasp. His heart bleeds. The end seems to be closing in. He closes his eyes and fears he won't open them again. 


The fear binds. It's sad how we let ourselves fall into submission. They have no real power over us, why do we keep on giving them power over us? We all know they're lead is bad for everyone.


That which is right is also hard. You know you've been on a right path but somewhere along you found the path to painful. You do what you can to inspire something good, but it is not inspiring. It doesn't inspire people. Advantage is what they take. 


There is no love for us, we need to disappear. We need to leave, this place is no longer our home. 


Time and time again I find myself saying there are no words to describe. Maybe it's not quite true, maybe there are words to describe. Only I dear not utter them. I dear not speak of such things. I dear not say what really needs to be said.


We can trust no one. Some of us don't trust anyone, others trust some. We are all in pain, we shall not wait for you anymore. You have left, never to return. Though something tells me you were never there. You never existed. It was all in our imagination. 


It's all turned now. It's all different. The red hot burning rage is no longer. It's fallen into a dark pit. It's sees ghosts. It's haunted by memories. It's lying down on the ground in the dark. Afraid there won't be any salvation. It's become pale and stiff. There is barely any signs of life in those eyes. 


Those eyes scream out in silent pain. That voice stutters along when speaking. The tongue twists in discomfort. The hands tremble in fear. 


There is no welcome any longer.

Bother

So many thoughts, so few words.


It bothers me. It bothers me more than I'd like, though it feels right that it does bother me.


I see the way things are. I see the way things were. I see the way things ought to be.


I see no future in this path.


I need to change.

Regret

I regret the things we did. 

I regret the things we didn't do. 

I regret sharing my secret. 

I regret making future plans. 

I regret not repairing it. 

I regret trusting you.

I regret not having left earlier.

I regret talking about it.

So much regret...

Anguish

It's been in me for quite some time now. I've felt how it wants to come out. Finally it has started showing itself. Finally I have a chance to let it go.

No one will see it, probably. I wouldn't want to show it. There's just no one to show it to. You might see the one half but never the other. That's just the way it is. Maybe things will change in the future, but now there's no chance.

I found myself in yet another situation in which I don't want to be. It pains me constantly. I just want the pain to stop, why can't it just stop?

It pains me to see, it pains me to hear, it pains me to feel. It's so dark, I'm having a hard time seeing the light. Apparently it's become rather shy.

At this point in time it's no secret, how I wish it was. If it was a secret I'm sure it would hurt less.

You are not there

There are no words. There are no tears to be wept. There is not much left.

We can continue pretending, or we could stop. I don't want to pretend, but so few want the truth. I keep wondering whether or not there is anyone out there who can handle the truth.

Telling anyone is more or less out of the question. There is no one I can trust. There is no one I could talk to. I'm in this alone.

That's how it feels...

Kony 2012

I really believe this is something important. You really should watch the whole thing.

Pathetic

It's been a while now since I felt it. I'm starting to forget. It's starting to disappear. It feels like "the movie" is about to end and there'll be a great revelation at the end and suddenly everything will make sense. I understand that it's not going to be the case, at least not in the manner I described it, because such things don't happen in real life. 


So much has disappeared, completely lost. It's all being wiped out, every last trace. The only remains are pathetic. It's all worthless really.


That door has been locked for a long time. The beast has been controlled. It hasn't been out in a very long time. I can sense feelings arising from here and there and none of them are pleasant ones. It's all my fault, whichever way you look at it, it's all me.


It has come to my attention that the more I understand the better I handle it. Knowing the enemy has it's benefits. It's also important to know your allies. Though the enemy might be dangerous and strong, one must always remember the allies who are behind you giving you their full support.


You can always think about what way one should have done things differently to get a more desirable result but then again you probably weren't smart enough to have come up with it yourself.


Is there anything positive left? 


Things don't change. More and more I see the same things repeat, both in others and in myself. The little pride that's left is struggling to keep the ceiling from falling down upon us. Maybe pride is the only thing keeping us from going under.


The shame never ends.

The door is open only a little, it's hard to determine whether or not it's opening or closing. The only thing that's sure is that death is still present. The black chains choke even more than before. It's bleeding due to the pressure of the chains. 


They feel threatened for they know their days are numbered.


If only I weren't so exhausted, it wouldn't show and everyone would be a lot happier, at least everyone else. That's the only thing that matters anyway.


You could never understand, because you could never care.