Vasa today

Right now I'm sitting and wondering what now? I'm wondering what I should do about the situation. I can't say this short week has helped me a lot. Nothings really changed. I've had time to think things over. Or to be more honest I haven't been able to keep myself from it. Always getting around to it in the end. Still the absence has helped. Maybe this is all that's been needed? Maybe I should have gone away for a while to charge up? At least all I know this week has been great. Not the absolute best but better than these past weeks. But now I have to go back to the same source once again, wondering how to deal with the situation. After all it should have changed just before the holiday. But I don't feel as though I can trust the other part in this whole unnecessary drama. Still I don't trust anything has changed. I'm just waiting for the confirmation to be given so i can go on about my life and leave certain unnecessary ties behind. Then I could pull myself loose. Once that has happened I could go on without. I would probably do much better once again.

Some things this week has got me thinking what if? I've got a glimpse of the past. Remembering good old times. Remembering how fun things have been. It feels nice. Knowing it is a reality to which I could return to without further problem. When I think about it, it makes me happy. These small get togethers have helped me. I've seen something I forgot existed. And that existence is and always have been something vital.

I saw something that made me start to wonder "What was that?". I didn't really catch it. I saw it completely. I was surprised to find it. Or did I really see it or was it my imagination? I'm thinking a bit of both. I think what I saw was real but I think I might have seen it for something else than what it really was. It would be easiest to assume that. But my curiosity tells me to look into it and find out the truth. See if it was something or just my imagination playing more tricks on me. The thought of it seems very appealing. Somehow very sure. Very secure. At the very least reliable. But my mind might be playing tricks on me. But then again why would it? It has been telling me loads, I've just not been able to listen. My suspicions have all been true. At least I've got confirmation. But certain things have been said that cannot be true. They don't work. Not the way things have been played out. I can't believe them. For otherwise certain things wouldn't have been done. Those things don't go together.

I've played with the thought many times over. I've liked it. I've thought that this is the right course of action due to the circumstances presented. But taken these thoughts I have only concidered one possible outcome of the whole mess. Which I feel is the most likely.

I feel at unease when thinking of going back to see the result of last friday. For I do not know how to take it all. Which approach would be best? Which things should be said and which should be let out? What would be the absolute best. I know what would be best for me but what would be best for the both of us?