Merry Christmas

I have more and more landed into this situation in life. I'm getting used to living like this. There are certain weaknesses that can be found in me which I feel don't necessarily have to be there. I could do something about it and grow into a better man. I really don't have any excuses, it's just a matter of doing it yourself. Once again taking steps further into the next level of independence.

These past few days have given me a lot to be thankful for. I've met with people I don't see too often. There isn't much to say really. We had a lot of fun. I feel a bit sorry for those who could not attend.

We had a lot of conversations now. It's like a whole world of understanding opened up. If I were to look back a few years I would never have thought that I could have managed to sit and discuss thing with them for that length of time. I have found it to be quite rewarding. We are continuously repairing the broken bonds.

Things have been intense. I don't feel like I've gotten much rest, but that's fine.

There seems to be a lot of new elements in my life as of late. Life is more or less stabilising.

Humbleness

Every now and then the past comes up and you feel regret. You regret the choices you made. Some things that happened still make you a bit sad. Some things come back to you and they help you move on. 

It came as a surprise, I wasn't expecting things to go the way they did. The whole thing humbled me. Hearing those words made me want to let it all go. I experienced a strong emotional response. I decided to stay silent. 

The past is the past and you can't change what happened, but you can always use it for something good.

Breakthrough

Time has come to take another step forward. This time it is not just me who is to take another step forward, this time we are many who should take this step together. Something is meant to happen and we are not going to be alone in this. 

The introvert manifested itself. 

There are a lot of thoughts that have passed through my mind lately. 

So much encouragement, it's amazing. The family feeling came and you just knew that it was good. There were no walls, we were all together. 

Breakthrough

Standards

I remember a few people who I thought had too high standards on potential mates. I thought they should lower the standards and get together with someone already. I thought that you shouldn't be too picky when it comes to relationships. I used to think that anything could be good. When you have low standards it's easy to get a girlfriend since just about anyone will suit you. It's not always about them being bad people, most of the time I think it's about them being bad for you specifically. 

I've been thinking a lot about this with the standards we have and impose on others, the standards we impose on ourselves and how they compare to each other. 

I think high standards are good when it comes to potential mates. I mean you do want to be happy, you want a relationship to benefit both. I think it's important to have an understanding of what you consider important. Those things that filter out a lot of harmful people. 

I'd say you should have high standards and live up to them yourself, taken into account that we are flawed beings. A clear view of what standards you have could be very helpful in the initial stages of a relationship. It is not wise to get a girlfriend and then start thinking about what standards you have and what you want in a relationship. I mean if the person is simply not the right person for you then it's a lot harder breaking it off. I know from experience.

I've gotten into relationships with strangers a lot and it's given me a lot more heartbreak than it was worth most of the time. I've wasted a lot of time and energy on relationships that haven't been worth it. I simply didn't know what I was getting myself into. When I got an understanding of what I had gotten myself into I didn't want to get out of it.

There is a lot more to say about this subject and a lot more detail one could go into but it's enough for now.

Steady Pace

I feel amazing. I'm so grateful for everything I've been given. There just keeps on coming more and more and more. I've been learning a lot and I feel as though I've come to a lot of new, deeper understandings. My life is constantly changing for the better. There's a lot of encouragement. I've been blessed with amazing people.

I know that sooner or later I'll face difficulties but somehow it doesn't bother me. I have more tools and a lot more strength to face the opposition. I still have areas in which to grow but it's just a matter of time. Even if I meet things that are too big for me to handle I know I'm not alone, so I don't have anything to worry about.

It's just a matter of accepting the truth and live accordingly.

Rejoice

So much happening it's hard to keep up. It's so amazing that things start to make a lot more sense. So much good, so much love. It's ineffable. So many people playing their parts in this big story and they cannot understand the weight and importance of their participation. All these pieces fall into place. All the rubble now works like a jigsaw and those chaotic pieces are in order. So much has gone in and now even more of the direction is revealed.

Laughter.

Joy.

A love like no other. The presence that is just something else. 

There it was repeated, over and over again. I knew I had to look it up. As I found it I was reminded or something essential. 

So much happiness brought from a conversation. I just had to write something. 

Escalation

It's nice to see how things are working out. Open conversation is the key. A lot of deathtraps have been avoided. I believe I've reached a deeper level of dealing. Those distractions don't seem so big anymore. I have a plan and I see no reason to deviate from that plan. I believe I'm no longer that dull blade, I'm being sharpened. Perhaps even more sharpened than before. 

There is a new chapter about to be written. I look forward to it.

Floating

I'm so very thankful. I've a lot to be thankful for. I survived. I got through this rough patch, but not by my own strength. I'm so thankful for all the people who've been there for me, giving me the support I need. I'm so grateful for all the encouragement given. You helped me hold this boat together.

I have really learnt a lot. I'm in a completely different place. We came through the storm, stronger than before. Life is moving on. I feel free. 

I've felt really inspired lately. My love for music has really manifested itself.

Reasons

One simple question.

He Comes in the Night

Suddenly out of nowhere the whirlwind of emotions and thoughts hit you in the face as you try to close your eyes. From past experiences I can only assume this will be yet another on of those ruined nights. One of those nights where all those questions pop up. When scenarios play though your head. You're reminded of everything that's been. It's like the disappointment has no end.

It's times like these when you want to punch through the walls because there's just not enough room for all the frustration. Multiple stab wounds don't heal over night. It takes time to heal. Even when the physical wounds have healed you're not too keen on having a lot to do with knives. Only the sight of them remind you. You can almost feel those cold blades again.

What rushes through my mind now is everything I've learned since then. A sign and I'm reminded of everything good. The strength that isn't mine, the strength that I possess. 

ask.fm

So I recently decided to get an account on ask.fm. It's a site where anyone can send you questions anonymously. If you have an account you don't have to send questions anonymously. I originally created an account so I could follow the answers to the questions I asked. Then I decided to try having people ask me questions and found that it was fun. Perhaps it's good that I get to think about stuff. I had thought that people would ask a whole lot of stupid/improper questions but I haven't experienced any of that thankfully.

So please, feel free to ask me stuff. 

http://ask.fm/AlanKongari

Reconciliation?

Though you forgive the people who hurt you, reconciliation is something else. I have a hard time seeing that as a possibility. Sometimes we can't make it happen. I don't really want it to happen either, at least I don't want to do anything about it. I don't think that the effort is worth it. Then the questions arise, are my thoughts just? Should I change the attitude and meet this beast anyway? 

My dreams seem to be screaming at me to do something. Not to just leave it. To rise above the circumstances and be strong. Even though I expect to receive nothing in return I should still do what's right. 

I'm just not sure what's right in this situation.

Bits and Pieces

I keep getting these fragments. I can't really put them together. It feels like there's something I'm missing and I don't know what it is. Perhaps I'm just not listening properly. I haven't written any of it down. It's like all I'm left with is this feeling of importance.

Maybe I need to redirect my focus?

Loads

There's so much going all it's hard to keep up.

Blessed

Life is pretty good right now.

Managing

You know some things are just not worth saying. I think the events speak for themselves.

They made me think. This is bigger than me and my experiences. My emotions are real, but they don't really matter. As I went through this I saw something. I gained an understanding. I stopped looking at myself. I stopped pitying myself.  

The circumstances suck but life is unfair and the world is wrong, so deal with it. 

The dream became even more relevant than before. 

Perseverance is key. 

I put my focus on the light and it saved me from the darkness. I cannot comprehend how amazing it really is, it is beyond me. The understanding makes it so much easier.  

The Sign

Alone, surrounded by darkness
Dark clouds covered the skies
The dark fog came closer and spread all around, preparing to devour. 
A pillar of Light shot down through the dark clouds

The Light cut through the darkness
The Light cleared the skies
The Light drove away the dark fog

The Light came to the rescue

No longer was loneliness king

No longer was the mind clouded

No longer did fear rule

No longer could darkness come near

Risk

I simply don't think that I'm worth the bother. I feel as though any confrontation would be like shooting myself in the foot. I believe that if I were to open my mouth it would be the end of it and I would simply lose. I'd rather hold on to this mediocre situation than to risk losing it altogether. 

Perhaps it's just me having little faith. I would really like to be proven wrong. 

There's a lot that never gets out. There are a lot of things that I held back that I now feel like letting out. Problem is that there's no one I trust enough. I can't let anyone see. It would be so out of character. I see no positive outcome. I could only anticipate increased distance.

Why does it feel so wrong to ever expect anything from anyone else?

Progress

I've found laughter. I laugh a lot more than I used to. I'm not sure if I've ever laughed as much as I am now. It's such a freedom to have a genuine laugh every now and then. My addictive cravings have decreased. I'm more productive than I used to be. I'm finding myself in a more comfortable place with myself. 

I think those words are essential in this part of the path. It's a question to which I need to find the answer. It all reminds me of the fact that we need others in our lives. We need people with more experience because they can help. We need people with less experience because we can help them. There are those bonds which are important to have. 

Tranquility

When you just know it's right. You can just feel the freedom, the peace. I've had a very tranquil day. Once again I get to touch joy. I once again feel how I get to drink the water of life, my cup overflows. 

The presence. The warmth. The security.  

The conversations we had were so good. They were needed and appreciated. We seemed to touch truth. 

One can only be thankful, thankful for days like these. Days like these are so precious. Never forget to be thankful.

Inconsistent behaviour

There's a lot of things that don't make sense. So much of the pieces that didn't fit. I saw it, time and time again, yet I didn't react. Words and actions seemed to give me completely different messages. I noticed, I refused to listen to the voice. The fact that I could have done something about it bothers me. I don't have any excuses as to why I let myself go through all of these unnecessary emotions. I knew it wasn't right, still I let it drag on. Once again I put myself through something which only broke me down. The longer it went on the more ashamed of myself I became. The longer I sat there the more pathetic I felt. 

Those words sunk in. Every now and then I can hear them like an echo in my head. Those words were important for me to hear. I came out of my daze. It restored my confidence, some self-esteem too. Those words are something I need to keep with me, probably something I need to be reminded of every now and then. 

Growth

I'm moving at such speeds I'm having a hard time keeping up. Mostly I just have to have faith, faith that I'll land on the right spot. Something which is beyond my control. This whirlwind is something quite unfamiliar to me. I distanced myself from it for so long I'm still adjusting, after all this time. The world looks different now than it did before. Before I can embrace it we need to get out of this.

New insight has been given to me these past few days. The mortality that presented itself to me caused growth. There is time for rest, rest is important. As we sleep our brains process everything that's happened during the day, perhaps what I feel is the need to "sleep" in order to process everything that I've learned lately. 

I've been thinking about travelling. Perhaps what I really need is to leave for a while and focus on that which is important and leave everything else behind, temporarily at least. Not be held back by everyday life and obligations.

A lot of my thoughts throughout the years have circled these things. Something tells me this is the old t-shirt that should be thrown away, left behind and forgotten. I think back to that dream I had,  perhaps this was what it really meant. Because of the situation I was in left me blind to the truth which clearly was right before me. There was a long period in which I felt as though I couldn't see clearly, as if there was this fog. As I'm writing this it feels as though that which has clouded my mind is clearing out. My mind is being cleared of the dirt. The soil is once again becoming fertile, the plant can now grow without unhealthy restraint.

Walking this path isn't easy, but it doesn't really matter when you're not alone.

Disappointment

I can really only say that I'm very disappointed. The only thing it left is disappointment. There's nothing to do, just wait for the feeling to pass. Soon I'll turn this into something useful. 

Ease

I've been looking at it all wrong. There aren't a lot of different paths I need to take. All these different pieces are part of the same path. There is only the one road I need to take. We're just going to take one thing at a time. We need to take them more as they come. I'm sure we'll get to everything eventually. 

Patience is key.

Revelations

I keep thinking that I ought to have written it down. I decided to discard it but it hasn't quite left my mind since. The whole setting was so familiar.

Bad Conversations

I didn't like the conversation that was brought up. Nothing good came out of it. It simply stirred up old memories. That which was important was never revealed. I don't see how this conversation contributed to anything. 

Direction

It's very comforting knowing. It feels safer now. I'm keep thinking, how could I ever have lived without this for so long? It's important to have this. Yes I could have continued without it, but at what cost? It's just a shame that I lived like that for so long. This is a part of the journey.

I am grateful for this discovery. Though it might be a shame that it took so long, but could I really have seen it before? Was it there right in front of me all the time, only now it was meant to be revealed to me? 

I guess I know where I'm meant to go from here. This is the part of the journey I've been waiting for. This is a part of the journey which might prove the hardest and probably most rewarding. I have a sense of direction. 

Life is a process.

Gratefulness

It feels good, not being completely alone. Thank you. It means a lot.

Clarity

I was introduced to this phenomena I found very interesting and enlightening. I could relate to nearly everything. I now understood a great deal more about myself. Things made a lot more sense, I could suddenly see why.

As if I hadn't gotten the direction pointed out to me before, this made things even clearer. I made the connections here and there and now I'm more certain than before. I see how this has affected my whole life negatively. I see how the situation is unstable as it is. I need to find stable ground. This is true in more than one way.

I know which road to take, but where will it lead?

A New Journey

Life is getting increasingly exciting. Now there's more room for other things, good things. Now the soil is just right, just right to finally get to plant those seeds. Those seeds have waited long enough. Now they're about to be planted and grow into something beautiful. That beauty my life has been missing. 

I will cherish these plants. Nothing will get in the way. This is meant to be, it always was.

Peace

In some ways nothing has really changed. In others, things have really transformed. I wanted change, true change. Now things that just happened seemed like a distant dream. I finally got free, free to pursue that which I had longed for all that time. I could finally leave that baggage behind me. I could finally come back.

I thought of all the things that kept me back, all the thoughts that kept popping up in my head and all the things I couldn't let go of. I decided that I didn't want to have it with me anymore. I didn't want to go on in the same path. I wanted honest and true change.

I saw the chains, I saw the destructive hold they had on me and the possible problems I could get myself into because of them. As the paper got ripped in two, the ties that bound were broken. I fell to my knees in pain. It felt as though a plug was pulled out of my heart. I could almost feel how all the blood came spilling out. The healing process began. I rose up again like a phenix rises from the ashes, stronger than ever before. Free from the burdens of the past with a heart filled once more.

As One Chapter Ends, Another Chapter Begins

And so this chapter comes to a close. The ending was outdrawn and perhaps unnecessary, or maybe there was a point with that too? As the dream began to fade I started to see the truth I had denied. Illusions disappeared, with a light push I realised that the time was right, or long past due. 

I only wish we would have ended the chapter when everything fell into place, I should have listened. We could have avoided a lot of pain and hardships, had I only listened. The chapter finally ended. 

I look forward to this chapter. I'm happy to begin the new chapter. A Chapter full of opportunities and hope, hopefully. I don't want to be a slave of the past. Things will never be the same again.

The Chronic Condition and Hope

The loneliness never leaves, not really. It tends to come and go in periods. I've been feeling it more and more lately. My thoughts have become darker and darker. I'm falling back into old thought patterns. The self-destructive nature of mine reveals itself. As things spiral downwards I become more and more aware of the effects it's having on many different aspects of life.

I feel as though things are running more smoothly now than before. Perhaps I'm seeing the fruits of the seeds I once planted. From my point of view it seems as though the love is growing, but that might just be how I perceive it. Whichever the case it feels good. I have a sense of direction, I think.

What if I were to write a book?

Observations

I want to help people. I want to be there for them. I want to listen to them. I want to see them. I want to truly see them for who they are. I want to care.

We made a connection. We had previously never spoken. Though our encounter was brief I believe that it was a meaningful one. Perhaps in the future I will see the fruits. I saw you, we connected. I knew about your situation. I genuinely cared. I noticed you. I saw the pain in your eyes, it was familiar. We got close, but I made a choice, now you're gone. I saw potential, it never happened. You are special. I can't be there for you as much as I'd like. I'm worried about what goes on in that head of yours. You are a peculiar person.

I suppose it's because of my past I've come to find it important to notice people. I felt as though nobody cared about me. Nobody seemed to truly see me for who I was. For years I went on questioning whether or not anybody would care if I were gone. It's like that everything I want to do for others really is a reflection of what I would have liked for people to do for me. To some extent I still hope people would do the same for me. I'm aware of the fact that I don't make it easy. I keep people at a distance. There's still this great glass wall between us. I do tend to open the invisible doors briefly for those who are alert. 

There are times when I wonder whether I ought to be more open with people, show them more of myself. For the most part I find that people don't really want to look. They don't want to care, not really.  Why should I tell someone who doesn't care?

A Sense of Accomplishment, a Feeling of Despair

Lately I've been feeling that I'm going forward. Forwards towards what is still unclear to me. Along with this I've had this gnawing feeling. I've seen some areas in which I've made progress. I've seen how others have acknowledged me in a way they haven't before. People have started to see more of my true self. I have been able to tap into "that" which has helped me do a lot of things. I have stood up in situations I'd previously avoided. I have spoken in those situations I would have previously been silent. I've opened up more to the public than I have before.

Still I can't shake the anxiety. I can't quite shake the feelings of despair. I see so much light still I seem to be stuck in the darkness. Though the chains could no restrain the heart, the heart is still wounded and weak. These human imperfections breed anxiety like never before. 

I see more clearly now. I see why I've been placed here. Being alone does teach you a thing or two. One thing I've learned is that I can't keep relying on people to meet my needs. My needs are insatiable by human standards. I know that now. Even though I could be surrounded by loving people they couldn't truly give me what I want or need. Sure they can make life easier to live at times. They can only help me deal with the symptoms, they can never unroot the problem. 

I can never rely on anyone to fix me.

However I do have something else on which I can rely

Repetitive Thoughts

I have so much to tell, yet so few words. So much to express, while I question if there's anyone to listen. As I'm going through this I keep on walking alone. If I were to fall down again, would there really be anyone there to catch me, to help me get back up again? Or would I fall to my bloody knees once more? Would I be left in the dark once again?

These thoughts never go away. 

Writing this I can't help but to feel unfair. It's sad, but true.

I was told that things won't always be like this. I was told that I won't always be surrounded by this darkness my whole life, that there will be brighter times.

Breathless

I remember a time in which it happened before. I was overwhelmed. I went out and could barely breathe. I felt like I was choking. I never quite understood it. Why bother come out after me? After I pulled myself together and came back in I received a hug. I was confused.

Rocky Road

It's been hard lately. Going through these different issues has had it toll on me. It's been rather rocky and I've noticed that I haven't been able to handle things as well as I ought to.

I've been reading this book and sadly I can relate to far to much of what's in it. There are still those sensitive areas which I still have to go into. I never thought that these things could still have such an impact on my life today. I had thought that I'd taken care of it. The symptoms are clear. There's no doubt in my mind that there are still unresolved issues in these areas. I suppose I'll have to do a more thorough sweep of these areas. 

The problem is that these unresolved issues are very painful. Like infected wounds they still pose a threat to my well being. As a result my whole life is threatened.

I can't help but to wonder if I should have acted differently. I keep thinking that I reacted to harshly and too unfairly. I keep asking myself if I overreacted.

Perhaps it's the stress and the heavy topics that blows everything out of proportion. 

I feel like I have to say sorry over and over again, always questioning whether I really should be the one apologising. 

It's painful

Digging

It feels like there's always something going on and there's never any time for rest. There's always something to do and something to be done and even if there isn't it feels like there ought to be. 

A lot has been going on lately, especially on the inside. On the path that I'm currently traveling I seem to be walking through some pretty rough terrain. The hardest part is being honest and open about it. 

The other day we had one of our artistic therapy evenings. The majority of the feeling we handled were negative ones, also very familiar. Still it didn't feel hard or painful or anything. I'm used to these things by now. As it would seem, I have made progress in my quest. 

After going through these feelings I was asked to choose a feeling and paint a picture of that feeling with me in the picture. As I thought about it I realised that several of the other negative feelings had a lot to do with the one I chose. I drew the picture and felt like I finally could get it out, that which I had felt for some time. They say a picture says more than a thousand words, well in this case it was definitely true. That which was expressed could never have been expressed in words alone. 

After I was done we talked about the picture. Some questions arose and a lot of things became very clear. I now had something concrete to look at to explain the feelings I've been carrying around me for all this time. It's a matter of state of being. It's something that's been with me for a long time and something that might stay for the rest of my life. 

Some words were uttered that made me think. Words that were familiar. Even though I agree with what was said I still don't feel like I've truly accepted it. Perhaps I'm afraid that I'll let the hubris take over if I were to accept it. 

I'm still on this journey, a journey to find answers. I'm trying to find the answers which were unavailable to me before, while I was still in chains. Though I've gotten rid of the chains the burden hasn't become any lighter, sometimes I wonder if it's gotten even harder.

Caring for Others

Why do we care about others? I thought to myself the other day. Why do I care about others? Why do I care about those that I do? Some people I just can't find any reason as to why I should care about them. People that you usually have very little to do with, people who aren't family or anything like that. Why does one care? 

Why does one bother about caring for others well-being, really? 

Maybe the reason why isn't that important. Perhaps one shouldn't question these things, just be happy about it?

Old Scars

I suppose things from the past always make a difference. Even though past is the past and one has moved on ghosts from the past tend to show up every now and then. Some things from the past tend to pop up in occasions where one would not expect.

How people treat you as a child greatly affects how one grows. How someone may mistreat you might have a great impact on later relationships. How someone praises you might greatly affect ones outlook on life. Condescending people can greatly disturb ones inner peace.

That condescending behaviour was devastating to the sense of self. Apparently it was unacceptable to be anything other than the expectations others had on you. Though one might have strived forward for something more those that should be supportive decided time and time again to be difficult. I often wonder why there just couldn't be any acknowledgement. I still do not understand why.

People who are supposed to be close refuse to look at what is. As if they would rather be blind.

There's a lot of resentment left. One should love but some people make it very difficult to do so. One might want to but truth is that there are some limitations and some weaknesses. That seems to be a part of being human.

What it has done is create an dissatisfaction of self. One can never be satisfied of oneself because the very core of the sense of self was disapproved in an important part of life. When one chooses to be blind and condescending one creates a deep wound, not a wound of the flesh but one much worse.

Newfound Joy

A lot has been going on lately. A lot of new revolutionary thoughts have been visiting me. A lot is about to happen. A lot is about to change. 

I have seen some of the faults. I told them about it and gladly they all seemed to appreciate it. They must have seen that I was right in my words and decided to support me in this. They decided to listen to my words and I can already see that things are taking into effect. 

I see a bright future. Things may be challenging sometimes but I know that I'm not alone. There is no apparent opposition from within. In this we can grow into what we should be.

Dreamworld

It's been some time since I last had such a dream. When I think about it now it tells me of a series of dreams I had as a child. This dream was peculiar. Not the way dreams usually don't make sense. This dream did make sense, more or less all the way through. Still there were a few elements in the dream which aren't very likely.

As we understood what was about to happen we waited for judgement. We saw it happen, but we were not a part of it. The light of the world had left. My first thought was that we had been abandoned, but I soon understood that it couldn't have been the case. I asked and I knew that the reason we had been left behind was not because we had been abandoned but that we had a special task assigned to us. What the task was is still unclear to me, as was it in my dream. All I knew was that it was important.

The world was dark, a depressing and evil cloud had covered the skies. I saw him, a friend who had been consumed by evil. He who had once been a friend had become the face of evil. The opposing force was led by a surprising person. I saw the difficulty in his heart. I saw the anger in his eyes. I felt his sorrow. The exact reasons did not reveal themselves but I understood him anyway. I made it clear to him that he was loosing his level head and needed to calm down. 

We had found something valuable. Something unique. He ran towards it and said he'd get in and I told him to do so for my mission was to die there. The words just came out of my mouth and I didn't understand why at first. Then I thought to myself that I was left behind so I could sacrifice myself for the good of others. 

I never got to find out what that really meant. The battle was about to begin and our side was more confident than ever. As this was about to happen I was pulled out of my dream. 

Disappointment & Worry

Need I be worried or is it okay to trust? Should I doubt or is it without reason? Am I wrong to believe that it was sincere?

I disliked the situation. I didn't want to have to go through with that but it was necessary, or was it? Every now and then the thought hits me and I wonder if it really made a difference or if I did all that completely in vain.

When I arrived I thought that it would be a great day. Things turned out very differently than I had thought. My arrival was deceiving, it left me unguarded for I had not expected that.

It is rare to experience feelings the way I experienced them that night. I didn't think I'd let myself get so upset though I feel it was justified. The disappointment was unmatched. Regularly I wouldn't take disappointment too hard but this dug deep. The blow to the heart was hard and merciless.

Bonds were strained. Uncertainty was planted. Anger brew. I never let myself be angry at a loved one, before now. I made it clear and afterwards I noticed the avoiding eye contact and the failed attempts to hide the truth. One thing is to do something but to try to hide it is a different thing entirely. Not only was I stabbed in the heart but the dagger was drenched in poison.

People say love hurts, but I say it's the lack of it that does. The selfish and thoughtless ways of a person can have grave consequences and leave deep scars. I speak of experience, I have seen it too many times before.

I was harsh. I did not approve. I was not about to let such a thing just go by. Though I have forgiven I still feel the pain from these fresh wounds. I have tried to mend them the best way I have been able to, now I can't control whether they get better or not.

Love conquers all, this is true. People are fragile and cannot withstand everything. Love conquers all but the person behind it has not mastered it. The person behind it still has its breaking point.

A limit not to be tested, it can break something very very valuable.

Surfacing

As I kept on laying my blows, more and more feelings started brewing up again. Feelings which so rarely get to express themselves. I then it became clear for me that though I've come this far I still have my ways to go. I still have things to express, things to forgive, things to let go.