Sunday, December 16, 2012

A Rough Night

It felt like it was more important. It felt like all that extra stress was for nothing. Disappointed again. It really didn't feel good. The wall took the beating. 

Can't remember letting go like that. 

Feelings were expressed and things felt better, though it wasn't very pleasant. I wonder if the conversation sticked or passed the memory. I guess time will tell. 

In the end things turned out well. 

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Progress

I touched the truth. I hadn't done that before, not like this. Never before had I gone so deep. Never before was I able to let myself wander so far into the abyss, into the darkness. I found a place in which I don't remember being. So well guarded had I been. So well guarded from the truth. Even I couldn't enter without help. I saw the remains that were hidden. 

I saw the bear in the cage. He had never left. He just went to sleep. I saw him sleeping there. Alone in the dark. As I entered that forgotten room I relived that moment. The trembling, the fear, it was all there. I panicked, couldn't remember ever losing control like that. 

The darkness needs to move elsewhere. That room was never meant to be dark. That room was meant for light. That room was meant for something else entirely. There isn't supposed to be a cage there. That wild beast is not meant to be caged there. The room needs to change. 

In the darkness I've dwelt for so long. The light came and blinded me. I knew not what was going on. Though I was scared I accepted the light, little by little. As the light became stronger I got used to it and I started to see. I could see things with a different light, a warm light. 

My heart is now free, now I need to get out of this cage.