Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Worry

Right now I can't really do anything about it. I am worrying. For a deal of things. I am wondering over certain behaviour. Currently holding in words that so eagerly want to get out. Should these words be let out or should they still be bound? With further thought I ask myself, why do 'i feel this urge to let these specific thoughts out? To what good and what gain?

What is it really that compelles me? Is it those thoughts around me which has me thinking in these lines or is it more something which I by myself feel? I'm thinking it's a bit of both. Recent feelings and recent opinions have brought me here. And not to forget recent events.

These three things have me where I am. Wanting to let out certain thoughts to certain people but not knowing which alternative is best.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Happiness and Pain

As I myself experience a happiness, I see those in my surroundings who are in pain. And they're in pain for various reasons. Some with reasons I can help. Others in which I am quite powerless. I can always be there to back them all up and I can always give my support. But there is little I can do to actually help the situations. For there are many in need and I am but one. I am only one to help. What I would need is to put my own life on hold to fully put all my energy on finding solutions for these problems one by one. Long term solutions. Something that will truly help, not just give a temporary confidence boost. Still I wonder to myself, why all this pain? Where is it all coming from? Is there really any reason for it all? As I ponder over these things my person tells me that is something out of my control. That I am not meant to be the hero who saves everybody from their problems. I am but the support to help them achieve it themselves. That it is not my mission to fix all their problems. My mission is to help them fix their own problems. I'm to give the support I can. As these thoughts surface to my conscious self I wonder. Are they strong enough? Could they really do this yet? Are they really ready to deal with it all? To actually make their own progress.

I couldn't say at this point. Maybe they just need enlightenment? Maybe they just need to be given the strength which the task requires? How does one give another such strength?

Monday, April 12, 2010

Responsability

There has been a lot going on. There still is. There probably still will be. Just how should one keep up with everyone and everything aswell as oneself? I see these situations and I'm guessing some of them might be getting dangerous. I'll just have to keep watching them like a hawk. See which is in more need. To prioretize correctly not leaving any room for neglect.

Once you find yourself with nothing to do you've obviously missed something...

Thursday, April 8, 2010

A little bit of thought

With a little thought behind it, the surprise was one of the more outstanding. That small bit of thought put into it really made a significant difference. To be more exact, it really gave me a happy feeling welling up inside. To think a simple gift like this says all that much.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Strange Calm

There's a sense of calm in my mind. I see the noise but I do not hear it. I see it there yet I somehow bypass it without further influence. Wondering to myself "Is this good or bad?". I saw a certain anger. I see it isn't good. But what to do? There's nothing to be done about it, is there? I'm having a hard time really reading the situation. Of course some things are just obvious. But still certain aspects aren't always as clear.

I've been really tired today. Not any energy at all. Sleepy. Didn't sleep all too good last night. I felt how I wasn't in any mood for any hyperactive people. Don't know if they even noticed that I wasn't in any mood. Anyhow it's not that important.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Left Undone

Soit seems this is going to yet again one of those things just left. Nothing will be done, not dealt with just left alone. I really do not like when these things never get handled. Always building a strange tension or another. What a sad turn this took. Putting a strain on everything else. A certain uncertainty in the whole. It need handling but what if it is not wanted to be dealt with? What if it is something which is too hard to deal with. Believing it's easier to just not talk about it. Or simply finding it to hard to talk about.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

The animal and the hunter

As the animal awakens from its slumber and exits its lair the hunter stops polishing his gun and heads out into the woods. Out into the woods to hunt. For this time around the animal isn't welcome in the human world. This time the animal is considered a beast which needs slaying. This time the animals practices are considered a threat. The animals recent curiosity has lured him into this dangerous situation. There seems to be no going back anymore. The hunter will eventually find the animal. The result of the confrontation is yet to be seen. I suspect the end result won't be a cheerful one.

Today I found something. Might I have found that which earlier was missed? Did I find that missing part? Is this the thing I was feeling earlier? However the case, it is something important. Something to keep an eye out for. To try to solve the problem. A completely new kind of situation to deal with. Before it has only been one in my own mind. But now I see there are similair thoughts going on within someone else. Someone else is in danger. But the question still remains, how to help another overcome such feelings? To help oneself is relatively easy. Since it is only oneself there is most knowledge there already. Only having to look into oneself to find the reasons and the needs. But now I'll have to look into someone else. Now someone needs to let me in so I can possibly find the reason and an answer. But I suspect this will be a long and challenging process. But I will do anything in my power to help. This cannot go on for much longer! Something must be done!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

The animal within

I feel something new-old stirring up inside. Something old with a new catch to it. I feel the animal within me is starting to wake up again. Has been asleep for far too long. As I feel his awakening my heart is filled with the warmth again. That same pure warmth of happiness. A great joy. As if life once again is finding its purpose. Finding its rightful worth. I feel a deep confidence brewing up. I wonder what might be causing this. The answer is quite simple yet is it the whole story? Is there something beyond the obvious? Spring is presenting itself. I'm guessing that has something to do with it aswell.