Sometimes these dreams make a real impression on you. The landscape was familiar to me yet it was a bit unfamiliar. Could it be that I had dreamt of it before and can't really remember or was it somehow changed. The feeling of walking on water was amazing. Putting such trust in something which you know shouldn't work and then it happens. You are walking on water.
Then we broke people out of prison. It was like if it was a divine will to do so. I could see how certain bystanders really disliked it but didn't do anything about it. I know they wanted to, but they didn't. They didn't dare take action against because they knew that it was something big going on which they should not meddle with.
It felt as though the dream was speaking to me. That there was a message. Something was trying to be said, but what exactly? Still I think I know.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
End of Camp
(I just have to say it's fun when people comment, keep on the good work!)
Today everybody went home and camp was over. I have to say I am a bit relieved. Though people are nice and interesting they were a bit many and all around a bit too much. Some people noticed that I didn't really mingle with people around camp like everybody else. Strange feeling when people actually seem to notice things in my behaviour, or it's just that people back home don't care to say anything. So it turns out I'm very mysterious. I don't know if that's good or bad. It's nice if people like to get to know me but Philippina women are a bit dangerous. It seems like a simple smile will make people think you are interested and want to get married, or so I'm told.
It's quite nice with people who are so easy to talk to. People who are nice to strangers and people who just simply help each other. The trust between people here is very big. The way small children can run around the village freely and parents don't need to be worried since people around here take care of each other.
Certain things here are a lot better than back home. Finland should maybe learn a bit about Philippino culture, I think that would make life easier and nicer for people.
Yesterday I spoke to this person. We started to exchange thoughts on different subjects and so on and eventually he opened up to me. He told me about his life and what had happened and how badly it had effected him. He told me of his previous lifestyle and everything. It was nice because it seemed as though I really made a difference. I spoke to him today and he was very happy that I had spoken with him the day before and he felt that my advice and my support really helped him.
I feel like I could continue this lifestyle forever. It feels really great being here and helping people and making a difference. Going around and visiting different people who you actually don't know at all and of course messing around with the locals. I really feel that this trip has been a good one and that it will, in the end, rejuvinate me and my mind.
When I come home I will be stronger than ever and I will overcome.
Today everybody went home and camp was over. I have to say I am a bit relieved. Though people are nice and interesting they were a bit many and all around a bit too much. Some people noticed that I didn't really mingle with people around camp like everybody else. Strange feeling when people actually seem to notice things in my behaviour, or it's just that people back home don't care to say anything. So it turns out I'm very mysterious. I don't know if that's good or bad. It's nice if people like to get to know me but Philippina women are a bit dangerous. It seems like a simple smile will make people think you are interested and want to get married, or so I'm told.
It's quite nice with people who are so easy to talk to. People who are nice to strangers and people who just simply help each other. The trust between people here is very big. The way small children can run around the village freely and parents don't need to be worried since people around here take care of each other.
Certain things here are a lot better than back home. Finland should maybe learn a bit about Philippino culture, I think that would make life easier and nicer for people.
Yesterday I spoke to this person. We started to exchange thoughts on different subjects and so on and eventually he opened up to me. He told me about his life and what had happened and how badly it had effected him. He told me of his previous lifestyle and everything. It was nice because it seemed as though I really made a difference. I spoke to him today and he was very happy that I had spoken with him the day before and he felt that my advice and my support really helped him.
I feel like I could continue this lifestyle forever. It feels really great being here and helping people and making a difference. Going around and visiting different people who you actually don't know at all and of course messing around with the locals. I really feel that this trip has been a good one and that it will, in the end, rejuvinate me and my mind.
When I come home I will be stronger than ever and I will overcome.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Surprise
I think those two comments on my previous post must be the first comments I've got on this blog. I'm rather surprised but very thankful.
Things here in the Philippines have been hectic. No real time to relax. Sure we've had our days with a lot less program than others but still I don't feel like any of us have really been able to relax. Even though I sleep at night it doesn't feel like I get enough sleep. It's like if I'm always fatigued, but maybe it's because of the heat?
The children here are a bit fun. If you play with them even a little then they're your best friend. I could adopt this one fellow right here and now and he'd be trilled. Problem is we don't understand each others languages.
After some time away I've had some time to think about everything back home. I dreamt one night that I had found the solution, at least to one of my problems. I have some trouble remembering what that was though, pity.
Philippino people really know how to party! (the amount of food there was at the party yesterday). It was a nice party yesterday but I was a bit too tired to really enjoy the evening. Tonight we'll have a camp for the Philippines. Some of the others will have something to say. But that was maybe some of the other days of the camp. We'll see.
Things here in the Philippines have been hectic. No real time to relax. Sure we've had our days with a lot less program than others but still I don't feel like any of us have really been able to relax. Even though I sleep at night it doesn't feel like I get enough sleep. It's like if I'm always fatigued, but maybe it's because of the heat?
The children here are a bit fun. If you play with them even a little then they're your best friend. I could adopt this one fellow right here and now and he'd be trilled. Problem is we don't understand each others languages.
After some time away I've had some time to think about everything back home. I dreamt one night that I had found the solution, at least to one of my problems. I have some trouble remembering what that was though, pity.
Philippino people really know how to party! (the amount of food there was at the party yesterday). It was a nice party yesterday but I was a bit too tired to really enjoy the evening. Tonight we'll have a camp for the Philippines. Some of the others will have something to say. But that was maybe some of the other days of the camp. We'll see.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
The Philippines
So here I am, in the Philippines, in the heat. Much has happened. I've seen a completely new world out here. People who think completely differently from how we do. I haven't really gotten too close to to people here. I haven't really felt like getting to know them.. It's not that it's anything wrong with them but I just prefer to keep my distance and a bit more to myself. Even in the team I keep a bit to myself. I'm not really a part of the team, I'm just there with them.
Here I'm not treated like the others. People would go like "hey, americanos" to the others but they wouldn't really care about me. So I feel quite left out. But what can I do? Being brown has it's consequences.
I don't quite know how to react to the fact that people around me seem to have little faith in me. How some may "panic" at the thought of teaming up with me when going out and doing missionary work. I don't understand how it could be so dangerous? But I guess I'm just not that trustworthy in peoples eyes.
I really feel the need to speak with someone but I don't know who that would be. I don't know the team well enough to share my thoughts with them.
Some people are so locked down in their own way of doing things they leave no place for change. And when others do differently they get irritated. What's the big deal?
I'm surprised at the level of complaining and the number of insignificant thing there seems to be to complain about. No wonder people in scandinavia are so depressed. If everyone complains about everything all the time of course there's no room for happiness. I think the world needs to lighten up. Why complain about every little thing that isn't comfortable. I feel this is one of the big reasons people are sad and miserable. Because they focus on everything that's wrong. Compared to here I feel people should just keep quiet about all of their endless problems and think more about others. Is it not in others we find happiness in the end? People are so self-centered.
But I guess it's only me who tries to be optimistic, or so it seems anyway. Anyone out there to prove me wrong? (it's not a rhetorical question, it's meant to be answered)
I've seen things happen that I've never before witnessed. People regaining hearing after we've prayed for them. Since we came here I've felt this strange energy from within me. An energy which I can only describe as white. When I close my eyes and focus on it I imagine it. I see how this white essence flow through people and driving away the darkness within. It's really an experience.
I know that when I come home my problems will still be there waiting for me. I don't think anything will have changed after this holiday. I expect to come home to the same situations. The thing is I still don't know what to do, I have yet to be enlightened. How does one solve a problem such as this? It would be easier if people were willing to listen and act. All they seem to do is listen, if even that. I have no influence there.
It's hard keeping relationships alive. I mean those that really have a difference in life. I have to say my relationships have more or less died out. Where in the world will I find the motivation to revive them and then keep them alive? It would surely be something I would have to to by my self. Like most things. People aren't really there for me. So it's hard for me keeping them close. I'm still always there for them, in hope there will be a change. But I'm doubtful. I'm not that important. People won't do anything for me, why would they?
Also there's no telling people about my feeling since they only get hurt by the fact you don't completely like everything they do and that you think they're doing things that only hurt themselves and others around them. Most of these people can't take such feedback. I feel like I'm not able to be honest so it's better if I say nothing at all.
Now how's that for existence?
Here I'm not treated like the others. People would go like "hey, americanos" to the others but they wouldn't really care about me. So I feel quite left out. But what can I do? Being brown has it's consequences.
I don't quite know how to react to the fact that people around me seem to have little faith in me. How some may "panic" at the thought of teaming up with me when going out and doing missionary work. I don't understand how it could be so dangerous? But I guess I'm just not that trustworthy in peoples eyes.
I really feel the need to speak with someone but I don't know who that would be. I don't know the team well enough to share my thoughts with them.
Some people are so locked down in their own way of doing things they leave no place for change. And when others do differently they get irritated. What's the big deal?
I'm surprised at the level of complaining and the number of insignificant thing there seems to be to complain about. No wonder people in scandinavia are so depressed. If everyone complains about everything all the time of course there's no room for happiness. I think the world needs to lighten up. Why complain about every little thing that isn't comfortable. I feel this is one of the big reasons people are sad and miserable. Because they focus on everything that's wrong. Compared to here I feel people should just keep quiet about all of their endless problems and think more about others. Is it not in others we find happiness in the end? People are so self-centered.
But I guess it's only me who tries to be optimistic, or so it seems anyway. Anyone out there to prove me wrong? (it's not a rhetorical question, it's meant to be answered)
I've seen things happen that I've never before witnessed. People regaining hearing after we've prayed for them. Since we came here I've felt this strange energy from within me. An energy which I can only describe as white. When I close my eyes and focus on it I imagine it. I see how this white essence flow through people and driving away the darkness within. It's really an experience.
I know that when I come home my problems will still be there waiting for me. I don't think anything will have changed after this holiday. I expect to come home to the same situations. The thing is I still don't know what to do, I have yet to be enlightened. How does one solve a problem such as this? It would be easier if people were willing to listen and act. All they seem to do is listen, if even that. I have no influence there.
It's hard keeping relationships alive. I mean those that really have a difference in life. I have to say my relationships have more or less died out. Where in the world will I find the motivation to revive them and then keep them alive? It would surely be something I would have to to by my self. Like most things. People aren't really there for me. So it's hard for me keeping them close. I'm still always there for them, in hope there will be a change. But I'm doubtful. I'm not that important. People won't do anything for me, why would they?
Also there's no telling people about my feeling since they only get hurt by the fact you don't completely like everything they do and that you think they're doing things that only hurt themselves and others around them. Most of these people can't take such feedback. I feel like I'm not able to be honest so it's better if I say nothing at all.
Now how's that for existence?
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Communication
Communication on my end doesn't seem to work. Either people are just stupid or it's just me having a way with words that make people believe things I never really meant in the first place. My casual thought stream seems to make people around me believe I'm trying to send a specific message and that there's a special agenda I have because I'm saying anything at all.
I think it's more me than others. That I'm the real reason why people get me wrong. But what should I do really? The easiest would be to just not share my thoughts with people but where's the fun in that? If one can't share his thoughts with others then where should he then let them out? I mean sitting on one's own thoughts only make life difficult. I think it's very unhealthy to bottle up things like that. But then again who knows? Maybe I'd be just better off not having my casual thoughts made public to my friends. It just seems to go wrong anyways. This is yet another casual thought but I can only expect it to be received just as another one of those things that is meant to send a message.
Truth is I publish my thoughts relevant to my life. But people tend to think I mean something special. I do admit some things have been written so that certain people would read and possibly understand. But that's it. Just to understand. I don't expect much else than people trying to understand. But I guess I'm hard to understand. The reason to this is still quite unclear to me. It's like half of the things I say are perceived in a wrong manner. Or do I just say them completely wrong? Or maybe it's just that people just don't believe that I simply mean what I say and don't have anything hidden between the lines?
I'm just not that good at communicating as I'd like to think.
I think it's more me than others. That I'm the real reason why people get me wrong. But what should I do really? The easiest would be to just not share my thoughts with people but where's the fun in that? If one can't share his thoughts with others then where should he then let them out? I mean sitting on one's own thoughts only make life difficult. I think it's very unhealthy to bottle up things like that. But then again who knows? Maybe I'd be just better off not having my casual thoughts made public to my friends. It just seems to go wrong anyways. This is yet another casual thought but I can only expect it to be received just as another one of those things that is meant to send a message.
Truth is I publish my thoughts relevant to my life. But people tend to think I mean something special. I do admit some things have been written so that certain people would read and possibly understand. But that's it. Just to understand. I don't expect much else than people trying to understand. But I guess I'm hard to understand. The reason to this is still quite unclear to me. It's like half of the things I say are perceived in a wrong manner. Or do I just say them completely wrong? Or maybe it's just that people just don't believe that I simply mean what I say and don't have anything hidden between the lines?
I'm just not that good at communicating as I'd like to think.
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