Stepping up

These past few weeks have given me so much to be thankful for. I'm just overjoyed. It's like nothing else. I have a lot to look forward to. I am very excited. 

Things have come up, things of old. I feel that it is on me to solve this situation but I don't think that it is right that it is on me. Of course I will contribute with what I can, but it is not really one of my responsibilities. In some ways I feel that it is unfair, but this is my opportunity to step up and be more than I am. Come to think of it this is one of the kinds of things I want to work with in the future. Perhaps I was meant to deal with this right now. 

Responsibility is something which I find to be a very important thing. I think responsibility is something that needs to be prioritised a lot more in our society. When there is something we must do, we should do it. Not because it's easy or pleasant but because there are people who are counting on you to do the right thing. Of course I feel this is an unfair burden but I'm not alone in this either. I have support. I have someone who always has my back. It is not by my own strength I'll carry this burden. 

Letters

The anticipation. Knowing that there is something waiting for you when you get home. You have a fair idea as to what it is. I don't think I've ever checked the mail with such anticipation before. When I finally got home and got to check the mailbox I was excited to say the least. 

I opened the letters one by one and my satisfaction just kept on growing. If only you could have seen the smile on my face.

Legacy

I want to make a difference. I want the things that I do to matter. I want to leave something behind when I go. I want to leave a legacy.

What can I do today in order to make life better in ten generations time. What seeds can I plant today that people ten generations from now can benefit from. Looking at the generations who've gone before me I see a few seeds they sew that harms us today. What can I do in order to make sure that doesn't happen? Thinking about the future and the consequences of your choices isn't always that easy. You are rarely aware of the consequences of your actions till it's too late to take it back.

I think one of the keys to making a difference is being a good role model for anyone that you might meet. I have been in situations where someone has been there for me in any way and they never gave a second thought as to how much it would mean to me. They had no idea that their contribution meant a lot to me and helped me along the path. Every now and then I turn to these people and thank them for what they did back then. Things that they have forgotten and they are surprised that it made all that difference in my life. I've also noticed that small honest encouraging words can go a long way. Often people are surprised since no one ever notices their efforts (when in the most cases they just haven't said anything). You can see how they light up at the fact that they're being acknowledged. 

In the end I don't think it has so much to do about doing a lot of big things and always being the best all the time. I think it's about the everyday life, your attitude, your encouragement and simply the love you have for people in general. Also it has to do with taking care of the closer relationships you have. It's important to never forget the people who are close to you. 

There's a lot more to say on this subject. Since time is scarce I will have to stop here.

The Adventure of Life

My life has been quite adventurous as of late. It's kind of like coming outside being met with a warm ray of sunlight for the very first time. It feels as though this new year really has something new to offer. New connections are made. A brighter future awaits. The things I'm experiencing are ineffable. I can simply just say that I am so very very thankful.

All the worries and anxiety disappeared. To think that just a simple reminder and words of reassurance could make that difference. The thought crossed my mind so I was prepared. Things worked out as I had thought and things went very smoothly. I realised that there had been no point in worrying. Everything turned out fine, or better than fine. Something unexpected happened which brought me great joy. It was a pity that my schedule was so tight, but that doesn't matter. Not only had my adventurous day been good, I also met an old acquaintance which increased my satisfaction with the day.

A new adventure begins tomorrow.

The Next Chapter

Thinking back on that advice I believe it's given me a better perspective of things. I've tried it out and the result was as I had anticipated. More or less just confirming what I already knew. I get confused sometimes. I see things clearly now, I think. 

Looking forward things seem more unclear than ever before, but that doesn't really bother me like it used to. The thing is that I have a lot of options. Now it's just a matter of sorting them out and finding the path I want to take. I have my trust in higher places. 

I've been thinking about doing something new as to mark a new age. Mostly just as a sign for myself to leave the old behind and move on to something new. My life is never going to be the same again, I'm sure of it. 

Living in victory is amazing. 

I am never alone

I found myself put in this process. I'm still in it and I don't know when I'll be coming out of it. I'm reminded of something a friend noticed. The same thing came up every now and then. I suppose I might not have been ready to take it then for what it was. There's a whole part that I just wanted to deny, even though I could see it myself. I chose to be blind to the truth that was right in front of me. I guess I'm bringing it up again because I hurt myself a lot making that choice. 

Things bubbled up to the surface once more and I need to deal with the things now that I couldn't back then. There were a few words that stuck with me. I shared those words and thought about the situation I was facing. I got some good advice. My mind is no longer in shambles. I'm more clear about it now. Putting the pieces together now and finding that things probably are as I thought all along. My thoughts reflecting the realisation that I had not yet processed. 

Looking back I realise that my focus shifted. I need to put it back in place. Focus on what's important, the rest is secondary. I sometimes feel like I'm very hard in my thoughts and I wonder whether or not I ought to be. Naturally I think I'm right but do I need to be more gentle in my mind? A lot of thoughts I'm having now is about what I'm doing and why I'm doing what I do. This applies to a lot of areas. To be honest I've felt like last year blurred my vision and that I've missed out on a lot of things because of it. I suppose it's perfectly normal, but it perhaps isn't the best. It's hard to focus when your eyesight is blurred. 

This year I'm hoping things will go smoother. I'm hoping to not be as distracted as I've been before. I want to be more intentional with what I'm doing and making proper plans. I plan to be more stable and strong. I will learn from the past and leave it behind me and look forward to that which is to come. 

New Year

2012 ended in a lot of pain and confusion. I had made the right choice yet I decided to get back into it. I was right the first time. I made a lot of bad choices back then, choices I regret today. I should have known. Immediately I knew I had made the wrong choice, still I decided to ignore it. You’d think that the circumstances and my reactions should have warned me enough, but no, I was too pigheaded to listen to reason. My weakness became apparent to me. 2012 ended in disaster. 2013 began with disaster. 

I kept holding on despite my better judgement. I knew I was making a mistake, yet I could not bring myself to admit it to myself. I chose to avoid talking about it. I questioned everything. The further along I went the more unsure I was. I knew I was doing the wrong thing. I suspected where things were headed, ever since the new beginning. I lay there in the comfort of my friends, the pain was unbearable.

The further I went the more I knew where things were going. I realised that there was no hope, still I kept on going. I invested more than I thought I ought to. I was going to see things through to the end. With a lot of pain and doubt and sorrow I did. I was met with dishonesty. I had my suspicions already but I chose no not follow that path to the end. Perhaps if I had been a bit more patient I would have given room for the confession, but then again I’m not sure if I would ever get one. Finally I felt at peace.


I sat there listening to those words. I had heard it before but I was not the same person I was before. Those words somehow meant a lot more to me now. I just knew I had to find a pen and paper. I got up and found it. I listened to the picture and I knew what was about to happen. I fell down to the floor in pain. It was like my heart was ripped out of my chest. I was finally free.

The evening started out great. Everything was fine and I was having a good time. Then something was said that could never be taken back. I felt compelled to ask the question. The one I feared the answer to, because I already knew the answer. It was only a matter of confirmation. The instant the answer came I knew what it was. The rage I felt that day was like no other I had ever felt in my entire life. The betrayal and pain was the worst thing I could have ever imagined. I am familiar with pain but this was on a completely different level. My new path was about to begin.

I knew where to go and what to do. There was no mysteries there. Looking back at it all I’m still a bit surprised at how well things went. I wasn’t alone this time. I fell and someone was there to catch me. This time, there was more to it. My heart was no longer shut like it used to be. I could receive the love that was available to me. Faith was relevant like never before. It was time to practice what I preach. It was never easy, but I was never alone either.

I moved on and a lot started to change. I found a completely new mindset. I found a new passion. I found a new drive. I built a something irreplaceable. Something I would not want to live without. I have received a lot and I am so thankful.


2013 ended with a lot of joy. Looking back I can safely say that I made a lot of progress. 2014 started well and I can only be hopeful for what this year has to offer. I’m very sure that 2014 will be a lot better than 2013.