Dreams and Nightmares

Recently I've had a lot of dreams. Some pleasant, some not so pleasant. Last night I couldn't sleep because there where these specific thoughts running around in my head. After thinking about these things I also dreamt something related.

Last nights round of confessions felt good. It felt good having it said. Also it enabled me to accept some facts and move on. Life can really make you mad sometimes.

So it seems there are more rumors going round. Recently I heard a few more of them. Can't say I'm too happy about it. My decision had nothing to do with what people believe and things are not what they may seem. Just to get that clear.

Rumors

It's fun the way you didn't know things about yourself before, but then you hear it from someone else. So yesterday I spoke with some friends who were wondering if these rumors were true. So I ask them what rumors they were on about. So then I learn something about my life which I didn't know earlier. Life can be interesting that way.

But then again I'm not surprised at that rumor either. It was anticipated in one way or another. I know how it looks.

Suspence

Interesting choice of words. Interesting suggestions. As if it was a well-known fact, but the game rules are that no one is to speak of it. I've noticed these small hints, these small attempts to reveal something. I don't know what to think of this. This topic sure is interesting. Nobody even remotely involved seems to think otherwise.

The choice of words and the suggesting conversations have really got me thinking. It feels as though I should do something about this. Then there is this feeling of expectation. I am expected to do something about this whole situation. Is it really me who should be doing something or is it someone else? After asking myself this question the answer is fairly simple. Who else could I expect to do anything about it? I mean is there really anyone else who can?

Some rather amusing things have come up recently. The question is: Was it something that had always beem or was it something that had been added? I have reason to believe somethings have been amplified upon recent decisions. Though it may be somewhat concerning, I still have this strong feeling of guidence. I never really feel alone.

I give off hints here and there and give subconscious clues as to what is going on inside this head of mine. I wonder if they are going through or if they simply pass by like most of the clues I give. 

Since when did life become so.... exciting?

Reawakening

Sometime's your just right to think certain thoughts and expect to experience certain things. Somehow I wasn't at all surprised, as if I would have known what was waiting. Maybe it was the real reason I actually made my decision. Maybe it simply was a mistake, but to my benefit. Something's cam unexpectadly but it could just have been the circumstances. It's interesting.

A few discoveries were made. I could clearly see some things going on. I can't help but to feel guilty about it. As though I might be the one at fault. Maybe there is a conversation to be had. The way things are at the moment, I should probably wait a bit for this conversation. I have to be more sure of the facts before I proceed. This situation is a bit tricky because it was something I hadn't expected to happen. I never expected to find myself in this kind of situation. It's been such a long time since I had anything to do with this kind of thing that I'm unsure of what to o next. My past experiences tell me that there is that conversation to be had before I continue exploring.

All this is in a strange way very exciting. I feel so alive.