It's been some time since I last had such a dream. When I think about it now it tells me of a series of dreams I had as a child. This dream was peculiar. Not the way dreams usually don't make sense. This dream did make sense, more or less all the way through. Still there were a few elements in the dream which aren't very likely.
As we understood what was about to happen we waited for judgement. We saw it happen, but we were not a part of it. The light of the world had left. My first thought was that we had been abandoned, but I soon understood that it couldn't have been the case. I asked and I knew that the reason we had been left behind was not because we had been abandoned but that we had a special task assigned to us. What the task was is still unclear to me, as was it in my dream. All I knew was that it was important.
The world was dark, a depressing and evil cloud had covered the skies. I saw him, a friend who had been consumed by evil. He who had once been a friend had become the face of evil. The opposing force was led by a surprising person. I saw the difficulty in his heart. I saw the anger in his eyes. I felt his sorrow. The exact reasons did not reveal themselves but I understood him anyway. I made it clear to him that he was loosing his level head and needed to calm down.
We had found something valuable. Something unique. He ran towards it and said he'd get in and I told him to do so for my mission was to die there. The words just came out of my mouth and I didn't understand why at first. Then I thought to myself that I was left behind so I could sacrifice myself for the good of others.
I never got to find out what that really meant. The battle was about to begin and our side was more confident than ever. As this was about to happen I was pulled out of my dream.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Disappointment & Worry
Need I be worried or is it okay to trust? Should I doubt or is it without reason? Am I wrong to believe that it was sincere?
I disliked the situation. I didn't want to have to go through with that but it was necessary, or was it? Every now and then the thought hits me and I wonder if it really made a difference or if I did all that completely in vain.
When I arrived I thought that it would be a great day. Things turned out very differently than I had thought. My arrival was deceiving, it left me unguarded for I had not expected that.
It is rare to experience feelings the way I experienced them that night. I didn't think I'd let myself get so upset though I feel it was justified. The disappointment was unmatched. Regularly I wouldn't take disappointment too hard but this dug deep. The blow to the heart was hard and merciless.
Bonds were strained. Uncertainty was planted. Anger brew. I never let myself be angry at a loved one, before now. I made it clear and afterwards I noticed the avoiding eye contact and the failed attempts to hide the truth. One thing is to do something but to try to hide it is a different thing entirely. Not only was I stabbed in the heart but the dagger was drenched in poison.
People say love hurts, but I say it's the lack of it that does. The selfish and thoughtless ways of a person can have grave consequences and leave deep scars. I speak of experience, I have seen it too many times before.
I was harsh. I did not approve. I was not about to let such a thing just go by. Though I have forgiven I still feel the pain from these fresh wounds. I have tried to mend them the best way I have been able to, now I can't control whether they get better or not.
Love conquers all, this is true. People are fragile and cannot withstand everything. Love conquers all but the person behind it has not mastered it. The person behind it still has its breaking point.
A limit not to be tested, it can break something very very valuable.
I disliked the situation. I didn't want to have to go through with that but it was necessary, or was it? Every now and then the thought hits me and I wonder if it really made a difference or if I did all that completely in vain.
When I arrived I thought that it would be a great day. Things turned out very differently than I had thought. My arrival was deceiving, it left me unguarded for I had not expected that.
It is rare to experience feelings the way I experienced them that night. I didn't think I'd let myself get so upset though I feel it was justified. The disappointment was unmatched. Regularly I wouldn't take disappointment too hard but this dug deep. The blow to the heart was hard and merciless.
Bonds were strained. Uncertainty was planted. Anger brew. I never let myself be angry at a loved one, before now. I made it clear and afterwards I noticed the avoiding eye contact and the failed attempts to hide the truth. One thing is to do something but to try to hide it is a different thing entirely. Not only was I stabbed in the heart but the dagger was drenched in poison.
People say love hurts, but I say it's the lack of it that does. The selfish and thoughtless ways of a person can have grave consequences and leave deep scars. I speak of experience, I have seen it too many times before.
I was harsh. I did not approve. I was not about to let such a thing just go by. Though I have forgiven I still feel the pain from these fresh wounds. I have tried to mend them the best way I have been able to, now I can't control whether they get better or not.
Love conquers all, this is true. People are fragile and cannot withstand everything. Love conquers all but the person behind it has not mastered it. The person behind it still has its breaking point.
A limit not to be tested, it can break something very very valuable.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Surfacing
As I kept on laying my blows, more and more feelings started brewing up again. Feelings which so rarely get to express themselves. I then it became clear for me that though I've come this far I still have my ways to go. I still have things to express, things to forgive, things to let go.
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