Negativity

There's just some things in this world that are just stupid. Attitudes, why are people so negative so much of the time. It's like if there was nothing else but negativity. When thinking about all the negative remarks you hear during a whole day you start to wonder who stole their breakfast.

In a normal conversation I often find myself listening to complaints. Lots of these complaints are about other people. "Oh, he did that. He's so stupid. I'd take that as something really bad. He must be a complete idiot" and similar remarks. People go around poking in other peoples lives and makes negative comments far too often.

Sometimes I wonder what really goes on in people's heads. Why so negative? What have they ever done to you? If something happens to go wrong there's a whole load of complaints about it. You very rarely hear someone utter half as many words of appreciation when someone finally is able to do something right. I don't get why people have to be so negative about every single little thing that goes wrong. No wonder the world is such a miserable place when so many people go around like this.

Could it be that the reason that many people feel very bad about themselves is because of this behavior?

Procrastination is another thing that bothers me. I too procrastinate sometimes when I find that there are other things more pleasing. The thing that bothers me is when people knowingly throws away their time at stupid things and just waste time and then complain about how swamped they are. Why did you get yourself in this whole mess to begin with? Sure, plans change and you find yourself in an unanticipated situation and you simply don't have time for it, that does happen occasionally. I sincerely doubt that this happens as often as people come with the complaining about being swamped.

Who's day will you enlighten with your complaints? Think about it. Is there really anyone who's day is enlightened with your unending complaints and unwillingness to accept whatever help people are trying to offer you? I am aware of the need to let things out and not keep everything in that people have. But I think there are better ways of that than the never ending complaining about things you really only have yourself to blame.

I think we should all stop being so negative about everything all the time and look at the brighter side of life for a change. You might actually become that little bit happier if you do

Establishing Roots

You're roots aren't necessarily where your parents are from or who they are. I'm sure you establish your own roots. Maybe it comes naturally for most to establish their with their family. I suppose the apple might be picked up and moved from the tree to be planted in another spot. I'm sure we all have as say in where we'll find ourselves.

When browsing one's own mind one might realize that the reason to why you're so lonely is simply because of the distance between you and those people. For it is with those people you find yourself. You come out of your glass house in which you've hidden. Though most people are very nice acquaintances, they can't really replace the other special people in your life.

There is physical unhealth and psychological unhealth, but I believe there also is spiritual unhealth. I think that might be a reason to my state of mind. Like it or not we humans are multi-dimensional beings. That means we need more than one thing to satisfy our needs. The problem is that we don't really know what we need to feel satisfied. I don't think that it's simply a matter of having lower expectations. I think we can have high expectations and still feel satisfied. I think we simply have to take care of ourselves. Decide that we are happy and satisfy the needs of such thoughts.

This energy I feel is strange, but strangely satisfying. As if there's a newfound power which is meant for a certain task. It's the energy of change. I'm sure of it.

Frustration

This anger, this rage... Is there any end to it? I almost always find myself feeling this way, recently more frequently. I don't like it. It's as if I'd need to let it out on something, but there's nothing to take it out upon. The pressure is building up and even faster than before.

Mistrust, one can wonder why there's so much mistrust in the world. We can't all be that untrustworthy, can we?

Stranger Things Have Happened

Goddamn this dusty room
This hazy afternoon
I'm breathing in this silence like never before
This feeling that I get
This one last cigarette
As I lay awake and wait for you to come through that door
Oh maybe, maybe, maybe I can share it with you
I behave I behave I behave so I can share it with you

You are not alone dear loneliness
You forgot but I remember this
So stranger, stranger, stranger things have happened I know
I'm not alone dear loneliness
I forgot that I remember this
So stranger, stranger, stranger things have happened I know, oh oh, oh oh

And I dream about somewhere, a smoke will fill the air
As I lay awake and wait for you to walk out that door

I can change, I can change, I can change
But who you want me to be?
I'm the same, I'm the same, I'm the same, what do you want me to be?

You are not alone dear loneliness
You forgot but I remember this
So stranger, stranger, stranger things have happened I know oh oh, oh oh

I'm not alone dear loneliness
I forgot that I remember this
You're not alone dear loneliness
You forgot but I remember this
Oh stranger, stranger, stranger things have happened I know

I'm not alone dear loneliness
I forgot that I remember this
Oh stranger, stranger, stranger things have happened I know oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

Strangled

I can't help but to feel this force, wrapped around my heart, squeezing me tightly. I feel immobilized. As if I were bound in a coffin. The life within seems so far away at the moment. More and more it feels unfamiliar. As if it no longer belongs to me. Gasping for air but can't feel the life force returning. I feel like I'm blacking out and my own efforts alone can't keep me conscious, but who will be there to revive me from my weakened state? Will there be anyone at all? I feel like I'm drifting through life alone with people by my side. What a contradictory feeling. Being alone with people by one's side.

Ridiculous. What an unnecessary thing. Why should one feel this way? I know there is no reason for feeling this blue, but I can't help it. I know and have identified the problem, but still that hasn't really helped me.

I wonder if people really care. I don't see anyone trying to change this state in which I currently find myself. As if a hug here and there would make a difference. What I want is to be understood. People don't understand me. I think it's because they don't really try. I doubt there would be anyone who would do anything just for me.

You could just call this seasonal depression, but the spring is coming and daylight is there and yet I feel this way. I don't feel like I can trust people. I "know" they'll just let me down for I have found that people tend to do so. I am sad that this has to be the reality I'm in. I run and hide whenever I get the chance. I don't expect anyone to search for me and no one does. I disappear and reappear and I wonder if anyone even noticed. They do notice, but I wonder: "Do they really care?".

The truth can sometimes be hard to handle. I can't say I feel very successful in life. I'm rather bad at it. Sure, I'll survive, but I won't ever be alive if this continues. In these three areas of life I feel I've just failed. I've tired and have not succeeded. I've looked and not found. I've been inadequate. Judging by my success rate, I can't say I'm very successful.

I'm ashamed of myself.

Unfamiliar in the familiar

The strange feeling of looking into something so familiar yet see something so unfamiliar. Why don't I recognize it any more? What is it that makes it change? What's causing the change. That which once was dead is no more. But what of now? What has happened? They feel so different even though I know exactly what they are. Why could they not just have reverted to their original state?

I need to find out this change. It's scary looking into the familiar and notice the unfamiliar. Is there such a thing as a comfort zone anymore?