Observations

I want to help people. I want to be there for them. I want to listen to them. I want to see them. I want to truly see them for who they are. I want to care.

We made a connection. We had previously never spoken. Though our encounter was brief I believe that it was a meaningful one. Perhaps in the future I will see the fruits. I saw you, we connected. I knew about your situation. I genuinely cared. I noticed you. I saw the pain in your eyes, it was familiar. We got close, but I made a choice, now you're gone. I saw potential, it never happened. You are special. I can't be there for you as much as I'd like. I'm worried about what goes on in that head of yours. You are a peculiar person.

I suppose it's because of my past I've come to find it important to notice people. I felt as though nobody cared about me. Nobody seemed to truly see me for who I was. For years I went on questioning whether or not anybody would care if I were gone. It's like that everything I want to do for others really is a reflection of what I would have liked for people to do for me. To some extent I still hope people would do the same for me. I'm aware of the fact that I don't make it easy. I keep people at a distance. There's still this great glass wall between us. I do tend to open the invisible doors briefly for those who are alert. 

There are times when I wonder whether I ought to be more open with people, show them more of myself. For the most part I find that people don't really want to look. They don't want to care, not really.  Why should I tell someone who doesn't care?