A lot has been going on lately, especially on the inside. On the path that I'm currently traveling I seem to be walking through some pretty rough terrain. The hardest part is being honest and open about it.
The other day we had one of our artistic therapy evenings. The majority of the feeling we handled were negative ones, also very familiar. Still it didn't feel hard or painful or anything. I'm used to these things by now. As it would seem, I have made progress in my quest.
After going through these feelings I was asked to choose a feeling and paint a picture of that feeling with me in the picture. As I thought about it I realised that several of the other negative feelings had a lot to do with the one I chose. I drew the picture and felt like I finally could get it out, that which I had felt for some time. They say a picture says more than a thousand words, well in this case it was definitely true. That which was expressed could never have been expressed in words alone.
After I was done we talked about the picture. Some questions arose and a lot of things became very clear. I now had something concrete to look at to explain the feelings I've been carrying around me for all this time. It's a matter of state of being. It's something that's been with me for a long time and something that might stay for the rest of my life.
Some words were uttered that made me think. Words that were familiar. Even though I agree with what was said I still don't feel like I've truly accepted it. Perhaps I'm afraid that I'll let the hubris take over if I were to accept it.
I'm still on this journey, a journey to find answers. I'm trying to find the answers which were unavailable to me before, while I was still in chains. Though I've gotten rid of the chains the burden hasn't become any lighter, sometimes I wonder if it's gotten even harder.
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