life as it (regretably) is now

Life as it is now is meaningless, slow, empty and mostly boring. Adding all these facts together into one you get miserable. And miserable is nothing but bad. You get nothing out of it but more misery because when your miserable you're most likely pessimistic about most things since your life sucks anyways, those "special" moments occur less frequently resulting in loss of fate. These emotions lead to depression which will only amplify these negative feelings and make the positive ones more or less, Fade away.

So what should you do when this happens to you ?

Well the most obvious thing is to do something about it ! I guess you reading this would have already figured it out.

Step 1 . Find the source of these negative emotions.

Step 2. Find a way to deal with the source.

Step 3. Take care of it

See I know what to do about it but if I haven't fully cleared step 1 and can't find any way of clearing it, what should I do then ?

I've spoken to friends, I couldn't See any psychologists since my experience with them haven't fixed anything but only been able to amplify the pain of the situation. It's like when being serious the one that's supposedly suppose to help you, Laughs in your face like if I was making a joke. I know I'm not like others and relatively weird but for someone to act in such a manner... Why the hell would I want that ? It's not like if I'm here because I'm miserable but does she really need to make me more miserable implying that my life is a joke.

Maybe it has the psychologist that I met who wasn't too good but she absolutely ruled psychologists out of the question which is a bad thing.

My friends either don't care enough to help me find to what the problem really is. Or they're simply unable to help. Which is quite sad in many ways. So what I do and have always done subconsciously caring and not only helping but occasionally fix or find the solution for their problems and hope someone will return the favour. Which is quite stupid cause people just say thanks and leave not really seeing the tortured soul behind the eagerness to help and fix any problems there may be. I guess it's only that obvious in my head.

When after noticing this I've been wondering. Do I only really care about other people and their problems because deep down I just want someone to care about me ? Horrible really if you think about it.

But this, all of this needs to change for the better. I think that it's maybe gone so far that I need to "kill myself" in order to fix the grounds for this depressing way of thought and living making life a blessing instead of a curse. Spreading some positive light. Writing blogs that aren't depressing like these that I recently wrote. Closing this already to long chapter of my life.

But since I'll be moving I'll hopefully meet some new and intresting people which will be helping out this "rehabilitation" of mine.

So for the next time i write a blog It'll most likely be more cheer ful. I hope anyways.