warning signs

Now the warnings have presented themselves and it's time for a withdrawal and to distance oneself a bit. I see the bond breaking in two and a certain close one who need not be so close. Who would have thought that being close to someone would be a bad thing ? Well to be honest the thought did pass me by once but I decided not to react upon it. Well anyway, I clearly saw the negative side of it and I don't really know what I should do. To sacrifice one thing for another.. is that really okay to do ? Such complications at the very moment another issue is to be taken care of. These are Those warning signs but no matter how many times I stumble over this same problem, I don't seem to find the answer to why it keeps reoccurring. And I can't find a way out of this spiral. Somehow I feel as though I'm not really trying... Subconsciously not wanting to find the answer. Maybe it is a change that of which I'm not ready to make... Or it is one of those changes I do not want to take.

Whatever it is there's no point in pondering over it too thoroughly. I just want to find a way to get this of my chest but to who ? I've isolated myself avoiding to let anyone to close for it has not been in my interest in the past. Despite this I'm still happier now than what I have been. Just that it's a new kind of pain which I will have to endure for now. I'll learn to deal with it sooner or later. I still have the rest of my life to take care of this.

This last week has been a bit of a hell for me. It has felt really awful all week. From the moment I've gotten up till the moment I've lay down. My nights have been filled with strange dreams and sleep has not been my best of friend. It was quite a while since it was a good friend. Still remember the time when it was good to me. That was a better time for me. Too bad that had to end and be followed by the next problem which really dragged me down. I really have been a fool to have let myself plummet down there even though I should have known to let it be. Certain things should be left in the past but since one is young one is still inexperienced and therefore stupid and brings misfortune upon oneself. People say that's just a part of being human but... I'm not convinced. This was never a part of being human, It was never meant to be like this. Or maybe it's just another phase. Whatever it might be, I still don't like it.

Well, enough about that. Reflecting on ones past is not always a good thing. Though it helps one remember those important things one needs to cling on to.
Such depressing thoughts running through my head right now I feel as though.... I need something...