conversation

It seems as though my choise of action was good after all. At least I had the long needed conversation. I didn't really expect it. Didn't really think it would've mattered. But as it turnes out. What to do now is still a question. Should I risk it? Is it worth it? Knowing how things went the last time.. Should I really take this risk?

Being on the safe side it would just be best if I completely threw it all away. Say some nasty things and then a goodbye. But I don't want to be cruel. I still care. I never stopped. But me caring got me to where I've been these last few days. But now I'm wondering, where was I? Where have I been? I haven't really had control over actions or thoughts. But I know why, but I don't want to tell it. I'm too ashamed to have been there. Why did I go there? How could I have let go of myself like that?

What will happen if I take another chance? I made a mistake last time in trying. How can I possibly know that it's going to turn out any different from last time? The truth is that I have no way of knowing. I can't in any way expect anything else than the worst for one reason only. It would surely only lead to another agonizing period worse than this recent one. Could I as a mere human be able to handle such a burden? Could a mere teenager such as myself handle another let-down like that? Should I as an individual trust another when being so fragile and vulnerable? I'm thinking, expect the worst possible outcome and mentally prepare for it. I can't risk it anymore. I've sacrificed too much already. I couldn't possibly sacrifice any more of myself. I'm not capable of it. I am still just human...