It's still sad leaving things behind but I guess that's life. Not that it's never been done before but I felt this time it was more of a pity than earlier. Before my path had moved on. Now I'm still at the same place with things left out. Relationships with others aren't as good as they have been and I suspect they never really will be. There are so many unspoken words, so many things to say. But no one there to tell. There is no point in speaking for nothing spoken would be taken in account. I cannot share my life stories as I once could which bothers me. I would like to have this person to tell everything worth while to. But I don't thing there's anyone here who's really capable of it.
People have their problems and therefore they have no room for the problems of others. They don't have time to spend on other peoples needs. It's not that it's hard, it's more like there's not enough energy left to do it. While ghosts of the past continue to haunt the conscious mind from the subconscious, the ghosts of reality seem to ensure that the traveler dares not enter the dark forest which is the unknown.
When living with your imaginary friend for so long how could one live without him? He's been there for so long he's affected every decision you've made the past 15 years. How does one break free from this? My thoughts wander off into the abyss of the unknown frequently to explore the different possibilities, but my question is, does anyone else's? I keep wondering to myself if there is anybody else who cares about that which lies beneath that which is obvious.
In my experience people don't listen very much to what you say, they constantly try to find the alternate meaning behind your every word even though there never was an alternate meaning to begin with. Are people just that paranoid or why is this? Have people seen to much movies with people saying one thing expecting the person to take it a certain way while then actually meaning a totally different thing. Do people always look for the deceit in everybody else's words or is it just me? I've often realized that I've said exactly what I've meant and people have taken it in a completely different way. I've been really surprised at times how bizarrely wrong people can interpret simple words.
I had a strangely relaxed conversation with an old acquaintance to whom my relation has been rather tense to the most part. I was quite surprised at the whole situation. I never really thought that would happen any time soon. But it was good. A less strained relationship, at least from my part. The strain has mostly been my fault because I've deliberately kept a distance. Not really allowing us to come any closer each other. It's not exactly due to stubbornness but a significant part. After certain events I had come to recent the whole thought of change. Expecting it to change eventually but not really doing anything to make it happen.
After gaining a new knowledge of privileges and the rules which apply to getting these privileges I've started playing with a thought. A thought that's been there all along but I've never thought of it as a possibility since I thought I wouldn't get these specific privileges. But now since I learned that my reasons are good enough I'm thinking of pursuing these thoughts. It would make life a lot easier. Just thinking about it is exciting. But those plans would be a year from now. Still it is rather exciting.
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