Changing roles

Changes come and go. Some roles disappear while others appear. Some resurface and other submerge into nothingness. Most of my earlier roles have been changed all at once. I am no longer the same person as I used to due to the fact that I haven't got the same role in other peoples lives as before. I'm no longer best-friends with people anymore. I'm just an ordinary friend. Or I'm just the guy you come to when in pain and then when you're done you leave that guy alone and keep him at bay. Nothing really close. Get the solution and get out quickly.

But maybe people just don't understand that I too feel lonely and need friends to surround me. At rare occasions people do notice how distant I am but it's not like if they'd feel the need to do anything about it. But then again what could they possibly do? Their personalities don't really fit the bill and that's probably how this situation arose to begin with. It's not really the error of others, it's more us not being quite compatible at this time. I think it's just that at this time we cannot have what once was. We've changed too much in different directions. Taken different paths. Or maybe it was I who strode away from the horde. That sounds more logical. I've changed more than my surroundings. I see them the same way I always have, only for me standing in a different spot.

But then there are other things as well. I don't feel at home anymore. It's like it isn't my home anymore. As if I'm no longer any part of it. It doesn't understand me nor do I quite understand it. The reasons are shattered but strangely clear. I don't see how I can change this. I'd have to suddenly become "easy" them to understand me. There's so much going on behind the obvious. Should I just kill it to make myself easy to understand. But wouldn't that be killing a part of myself. A part of myself which I find so important. That which makes me the person I am. How else would I be able to make those decisions.

What would happen if I simply uncomplicated my thoughts. Would I still me remotely the same person? Would people still see me as me. Would people truly understand me better or would they even try? Do they even try? Am I really that complicated or am I just too reserved for people to truly see me?

Is this too far beyond my ability to direct things or do I just need a new strategy?