Personal Growth

Anger is done. It has left. But it left behind the irritation. The irritation of this. All this. All these children and their childish games. Is there no way of finding anything else? Who are not children but still can play?

So much noise, so much fuss, so much of everything... Why am I not like them? Why do I constantly find myself in this position?

What probably bugs me the most is that things seem to have gone backwards. That things have gotten out of hand. I would have expected all this to have gone by already. But still I can not blame them. For this is a natural part of life. This is what is considered normal. It's natural this behaviour. But why does it feel so disgustful to me? Why can I not find myself within it?

I have a feeling of a certain someone that used to give a sort of balance or calm, just by being there. A sense of understanding between us which no one else quite understands. One that's quite comfortable. But it isn't strange at all. I see a certain respect which I haven't quite witnessed before. Something I feel I should appriciate more. I just haven't put the time to figure out exaclty how. But I know I can do better.

And for recent news, I'm quite excited. It'll be nice. But it's too early to get too excited but. I like the idea of it.

Yet there is a conversation that still needs to be held. But my bubbly red friend tells me to wait it out for a while. And to change these recent patterns for they will surely lead to something bad. To get a bit of variation to recent activities. Sure it's fun at the moment but variation needs to take place.

I think that is the key to a better life. More variation.Give more color and life to it. Feed it with all the necessary vitamins and protines. A more balanced diet. Still I will need a bit of coaching to pull this off. Sloth has been taking over me for quite some time now. I need to pull away from him. Keep him at bay. I need to get out more and do more. Now as the weather gets better I'll have an easier time to do stuff.

But first of all I need to tell myself to take things a bit slow. Not to jump into anything before I'm sure of being ready for it. Not be overconfident but still put enough pressure on myself to actually overcome things. Set goals which are reachable but still needs effort put into it. I feel confident that I am not alone in this even though I might actually be. But I'm not at the same time.

Feels nice.