Internal Strife

As I see the regret in those eyes a deep anger arises. My bubbly friend yells in my ear " It's far too late now. There is no reason anymore. It's a lost cause. Leave it!". What my little friend tells me is true. It's been a while. It's gone on for far too long. I would much rather leave it. Go on with no regret. I know I can only if I let myself. My will is turned towards this. My heart tells me that I have no need for this. There is no more reason to live in this limbo. Time to get past it. With or without the other part. My head tells me to yet give another chance. Sooner or later it will be taken. Sooner or later it the chance given will be taken and then this problem will forever be behind and forgotten. But my mind doubts the strenght of the other part. That the other part never will take those chances given. Yet nothing has been done. One short conversation. ONE. That is all the effort so far. And a compliment to my new shoes. That is next to nothing considering what has been. But I'm still waiting. Though I don't feel confident in any change at all I'm still waiting. Hoping that I'm not doing all this in vain. Hopefully the message will get through soon.

Over to some other matters which need adressing. Probably even more pressing matters than this. The confession was made. A new matter arose. Just as expected it wasn't quite that welcome or ideal. I was granted permission but still I know of the dislike to the situation. I completely understand. That is probably the reason this matter is something worth pondering about. I don't want to hurt anybody. I don't want to make things harder than they might already be. I know of my past actions, my past mistakes. But I am sure that I won't redo those same mistakes. For they where not right then and they are not right now. I won't do the same again. I've learnt my lesson. But I'm not surprised if it might be hard to believe. Still I don't believe that is the whole matter either. Rather I know that isn't all of it. But we still need to talk more about it.

Just don't know what to say really. I want one thing but I wouldn't want to sacrifice another either. It may be selfish of me but I want to have both. It would probably be a bit hard. At least now at first.