The question is "what now?"

I went through the first day of school thinking to myself. Is there any difference at all or not. Since the day had gone with no signs I assumed nothing was going to change after all. As I said I didn't really have that much faith in this. But maybe my nagging and my open doubt changed the fact that nothing was going to change. As of a way to prove I was wrong or something like that. I have reason to believe it is less about me and more about the other part. Has always been and will probably be for a while longer at least. But the short moment of improvement took me by surprise. I didn't really know how to react so I just kind of "oh.. yeah.. hmmm.." to the whole moment. Maybe it was a subconscious act to say "I'm not just gonna let this blow over"?

Realizing what that would mean, I start to wonder. What's the point in this whole charade? Haven't this all gone on way too long? So why stop me from putting an end to it? I just don't understand while still I perfectly understand. I know what the reason is, but my question still stands as why. I only see this as a future of continuous torment and pain. Another path to destruction. Why take another road that leads to the same destination of my own personal hell?

But still the true nature of this is yet to unveil. If there's still a faintest bit of hope left I'll go after it. Put myself at risk to once again revive something that was killed and buried without a name. But still a part tells me to leave it. To cut it off. To completely destroy any traces left of what has been. Go on leaving everything behind. But that would mean saying goodbye not to expect any return in the nearest future.

It seems my writers block might be easing. I think I might be able to finish my song soon. After a week free from burden something is regained. I will continue a while and see what I can fish up. It might actually be good.