I am so mixed up right now it's hard to determine what's going on. What I really expect from this situation. For I cannot say that this will have any greater significance. But still I feel as though it really will have a difference this time. Maybe because it wasn't me who did anything this time. Some initiative was taken from the other part. Felt nice to see that something actually had gotten through at last. This time things will change. I am sure of it. But I probably won't be able to take this change right at the moment. There is too much of everything else going on to really tell. But the question still remains. Is this what I really want? I have my doubts for I could've gone then and there but I didn't for the sake of another. That was the second chance. The chance that was never taken. Because of this I have felt that there is no need for another chance for it isn't worth it. That chance that I have now given was not deserved. But still I felt compelled to give it. And so I have. But if this fails once again what then? Should we go on as we have these past 3 months or what? I would at least leave it all behind me and forget. Forget anything ever happened in the first place. Forget that we ever met. Forget all the good and the bad memories clinging on to nothing. But today we'll have to see how the future unfolds.
Today is the first day of trial.
What a fitting Birthday present, don't you think?
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